My Body Belongs to Me - A Child Personal Safety Education Tool Kit

My Body Belongs to Me

A Child Personal Safety Education Tool Kit

For Parents & Teachers

Preschool to 6

Grade

This guide includes the following items:

▪ Brief description of the “My Body Belongs to Me” Program

▪ Outline of the 30 to 45-minute Children’s Presentation

▪ Tips for teaching children personal safety skills

▪ List of “What If” Role Plays to Test the Child’s Knowledge

▪ Myth’s and Facts about Child Sexual Abuse

▪ Safety Planning with your Child

▪ Additional Resources/Information for Parents and Teachers

▪ Fun Activities

This program is administered by Interface Children & Family Services

4001 Mission Oaks Blvd., Suite I, Camarillo, CA 93012

For more information call (805) 485-6114, ext. 691

Are you concerned about your child’s personal safety?

Don’t be Afraid—Be Informed!

• Does your child know how to recognize potentially dangerous situations and people?

• Does your child know which “strangers” to ask for help if he/she were lost?

• Does your child know to tell you if an adult or older kid asks him/her to keep a secret?

• Does your child know that “secret touches” are not allowed between adults and children?

• Does your child know the 7 signals that give him/her the right to say, “NO!” GET AWAY and

TELL a trusted adult? (See Seven Signals on page # 24-25).

Your child will learn all of this with the “My Body Belongs to Me” program.

The “My Body Belongs to Me” program teaches children about personal boundaries without

making them afraid.

The basic message is that, most people are good, but there are a few people who have a

“touching problem” and if your child were ever confronted with this kind of person, they could

“Say No,” “Get Away” and “Tell a Trusted Adult.”

A 30-minute (Preschoolers to Kindergarteners) or 45-minute (1

to 6

Graders) presentation is

conducted by a trained child-safety presenter from Interface

Children & Family Services in your child’s classroom, while in the presence of the regular

classroom instructor.

Thank you for helping your child learn how to stay safe with the

My Body Belongs to Me Program!

For more information call (805) 485-6114, Ext. 691

My Body Belongs to Me

Child Personal Safety education for your School!

Children’s Presentation

The 30 to 45-minute classroom lesson focuses on engaging children through an interactive-learning approach,

as they are taught that their body belongs to them and how to recognize and respond to NOT OK touches.

Children can learn and practice when and how to say:

“No”, Get away, and Tell a trusted adult helper.

Our goal is to empower children as we teach them personal boundaries and ways they can seek help if they

should encounter a dangerous person or situation. These are skills that help to prevent bullying, harassment

and child sexual abuse, in a non-threatening manner. The curriculum has been updated to age-appropriate

workshops that are tailored to fit the students’ social and developmental ability:

o Preschool – 3

Grade

o 4

– 6

Grade

Staff Presentation:

The 60-minute presentation introduces the program overview, while providing awareness and training for

educators. Topics include:

o Child Sexual Abuse Awareness and Prevalence

o Strategies on how to Prevent Abuse

o Developmental Behaviors of Children

o Sexual Behaviors in Children

o Techniques for Effective Responses to Child Sexual Behavior

o How to Recognize Possible Signs of Abuse

o Refresher Piece on CA Mandated Reporting

o Local Help and Resources

Parent Presentation:

The 60-minute presentation includes a parental preview of the children's presentation, followed by an

educational workshop for parents and caregivers. Child personal safety topics include:

o Preview of Children’s Presentation

o Child Abuse Awareness

o Tips to help Parents Prevent and Protect

o How to Recognize Possible Risky or Inappropriate Behaviors

o Practice Personal Safety with Children

o Developmental Appropriate Behaviors of Children

o How to Recognize Possible Signs of Abuse

o Safe Responses to Child Abuse Disclosures

o Local Help and Resources

Child Personal Safety Videos

“My Body Belongs to Me” Video

Written by Jill Starishevsky

Available to view on YouTube;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-5mdt9YN6I

Note: Children will only be viewing a partial piece of the video (2:10 minute mark)

Español: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ4cpmyoXbU

Other Videos;

• “Mi Cuerpo Me Pertenece” – En Español

Disponible para ver en YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=towuyzPXgUk&feature=em-share_video_user

• “Check First”

http://www.kidsmartz.org/Videos#checkfirst

• “Tell a Trusted Adult”

http://www.kidsmartz.org/Videos#telltrustedadult

• “Talk to an Adult you Trust”

http://www.netsafeutah.org/kids/kids_videos.html

“My Body Belongs to Me” Chant:

ME: “From the Top of My head”

YOU: “From the Top of My head”

ME: “To the bottom of my feet”

YOU: “To the bottom of my feet”

ME: “And everything else that’s in between”

YOU: “And everything else that’s in between”

ME: “MY BODY BELONGS TO ME!”

YOU: “MY BODY BELONGS TO ME!”

ME: “I have the right to protect my body”

YOU: “I have the right to protect my body”

ME: “I can say NO”

YOU: “I can say NO”

ME: “I can try to GET AWAY”

YOU: “I can try to GET AWAY”

ME: “And I CAN TELL!”

US: “I can TELL!”

ME: “When I don’t feel safe”

US: “When I don’t feel safe”

Tips for Teaching Children Personal Safety Skills

Keeping children safe and healthy is everyone’s responsibility.

Children need to be taught that their bodies are their own, and that they have the right to say “NO” when it

comes to who touches them and whom they touch. If children are ever touched in way that is confusing or

frightening to them, they need to be taught that they can tell someone about the touch. They need to be

taught that they have the right to feel safe and be safe. It is important that adults teach children to SAY “NO,”

GET AWAY, and TELL A TRUSTED ADULT HELPER.

The key to effective training is repetition and active rehearsal. Children need to practice saying no, getting away

and telling a trusted adult helper. While it is great to teach children that they have the right to “SAY NO, GET

AWAY, AND TELL”, it should not stop there. All children are vulnerable and should not be held responsible for

their own personal safety. Educating yourself, as well as other adults in children’s’ care, on bullying, child abuse

and child sexual abuse prevention and awareness, is essential to the safety of all children.

The following are additional tips that can help you teach effective personal safety to children:

1. Assure children that most touches are OK touches and most people are good people. But if someone

touches their private parts in a secret way, or if they experience a touch that scares or confuses them,

they can SAY “NO,” GET AWAY, and TELL SOMEONE. Remember that if children receive a NOT OK touch

from someone they know or care about, like a relative or a babysitter, they may not be able to say “NO”

or even get away. However, they can tell someone. Emphasize the importance of telling a helper and if

the helper doesn’t believe them, keep on telling until someone listens and believes them. Let children

know it’s OK to question or challenge adults, when something doesn’t seem right, especially touches.

Assure them that adults are not always right. Teach them there are things that adults should never do.

2. Teach children the correct names for body parts. Just as they have arms and legs, they have a penis or

vagina and anus. Children can’t tell you if they’ve received a NOT OK touch if they don’t have the words

to describe the touch.

3. Teach children how to use body language. Have them practice standing tall and saying “NO” in a loud,

strong voice. Help children develop good eye contact.

4. Play “what if” games with children. You can use the role-play scenarios found in the back of this packet

or create your own. Develop “what if” situations that are pertinent to your own family. One of the

purposes of “what if” games is to stress to children the importance of always getting mom or

dad’s/guardian’s permission before going anywhere.

5. Show children safe places and people to go if they ever get lost; for example, a person behind a register

in a store. Have a written list of people who the child knows it is OK to go with. Share the list with the

child’s school, daycare and baby sitter. Stress to your child the importance of ALWAYS getting

permission before going ANYWHERE with ANYONE, even if the person is known by you.

These "Tips for Teaching Children Personal Safety Skills" are based upon information from Red Flag/Green Flag

Resource Center of Fargo/Moorhead

“What If . . .”

(Role Plays for Personal Safety)

1. What if you are playing in your front yard when a person drives up and says, “Hi there, are you ready to go?

Your dad sent me to pick you up and take you to his job. Your mom said it was OK. “What would you do?

2. What if a person who is visiting your parents keeps coming into the bathroom and looking at you while you

are taking a bath or shower. Since the lock on the door is broken, you can’t lock them out. What would you do?

3. What if you are walking to school when a person drives up in a car and says, “Your mom or dad told me to

pick you up.” What would you do?

4. What if you are playing at the park when someone walks up to you and says, “My puppy is lost. See, here’s

his picture. Won’t you please come with me and help me find him before he gets hurt?” What would you do?

5. What if a family member or family friend who often visits enjoys hugging you or having you sit on his/her lap?

When he/she hugs you he/she also touches your private parts. What would you do?

6. What if you are playing at the park and you see an older kid you don’t know standing by some trees. He/she

asks you to come over and talk to him/her. What would you do?

7. What if you just got out of school. A person in a car says to you, “Your mom is late and she told me to pick

you up. Hop in the car.” What would you do?

8. What if you are playing in your front yard when someone in a car drives up and says, “Hi there. I think I’m lost

and I need some help. Can you please come over here and tell me where I am?” What would you do?

9. What if you are playing in your front yard by yourself when someone in a car drives up and says, “Hi, can you

come over to the car? I have something for your parents.” What would you do?

10. What if you are riding your bike and the chain falls off. A person comes out of his/her house and says he/she

can help you but you have to bring it into his garage. What would you do?

11. What if a family member who you like always wants to wrestle. When you wrestle with him/her he/she

touches your private parts. What would you do?

12. What if you are in a store looking at the toys. Someone you don’t know says to you, “Come outside to my

car with me and I’ll give you some money to buy that toy.” What would you do?

13. What if your coach, teacher or youth group leader tells you they like you so much that they want to begin a

“special” friendship with you that involves “special” touching that you have to keep secret. What would you do?

These Role Plays are based upon information from Red Flag Green Flag Resource Center of Fargo/Moorhead

Are there other Examples you and your child can think of?

Myths and Facts about Child Sexual Abuse

Myth #1: Child sexual abuse occurs only among strangers. If children stay away from strangers, they will not be

sexually abused.

• Fact: The National Department of Justice (DOJ) statistics indicate that in approximately 85% of the cases,

the offender is known to the victim. He/she is usually a relative, family member, baby-sitter/other care

giver, or older friend of the child. About 10% of perpetrators of child sexual abuse are strangers to the

child.

Myth #2: Children provoke sexual abuse by their seductive behavior.

Fact: Seductive behavior is not the cause. Responsibility for the act ALWAYS lies with the offender. Sexual

abuse sexually exploits a child not developmentally capable of understanding or resisting and/or who

may be psychologically or socially dependent on the offender.

Myth #3: The majority of child sexual abuse victims tell someone about the abuse.

Fact: According to a study by Dr. David Finkelhor, close to 2/3 of all child sexual abuse victims may not tell their

parents or anyone else because they fear being blamed, punished or not believed. Additionally, many

victims feel that the abuse may be their fault in some way.

Myth #4: Men and women sexually abuse their children equally.

Fact: Men are the offenders 94% of the time in cases of child sexual abuse. Men sexually abuse both male and

female children. 75% of male offenders are married or have consenting sexual relationships. Only about

4% of same-sex abuse involves homosexual perpetrators; 96% of the perpetrators are heterosexual.

Myth #5: If the children did not want it, they could say, “STOP!”

Fact: Children generally do not question the behavior of adults, and have been taught to obey adults. They are

often coerced by bribes, threats, and use of a position of authority.

Myth #6: All sexual abuse victims are girls.

Fact: Studies on child sexual abuse indicate one of four females under the age of 18 and one of five to six males

under the age of 18 are child sexual abuse victims.

Myth #7: Family sexual abuse is an isolated, one-time incident.

Fact: Studies indicate that most child sexual abuse continues for at least two years before it is reported. And in

most cases, it doesn’t stop until it’s reported.

Myth #8: In family sexual abuse, the “non-offending” parent always knows.

Fact: While some “non-offending” parents know and even support the offender's actions, many, because of

their lack of awareness, may suspect something is wrong, but are unclear as to what it is or what to do.

Myth #9: Family sexual abuse only happens in low-income families.

Fact: Family sexual abuse crosses all classes of society. There is no race, social, or economic class that is immune

to family sexual abuse. Incest estimated to occur in 14% of all families. 10 to 20% of American children

are incest victims; 90% of the victims are female, and 90% of the abusers are fathers or stepfathers.

Myth #10: Non-violent sexual behavior between a child and an adult is not damaging to the child.

Fact: Nearly all victims will experience emotional trauma such as confusion, shame, guilt, anger, and a poor self-

image. Child sexual abuse can result in long-term relationship problems and be perpetuated from

generation to generation. Dr. Nicholas Groth, who has worked extensively with sexual offenders, reports

that 60% of convicted sexual offenders have reported histories of child sexual abuse victimization.

Information provided by Red Flag Green Flag Resource Center of Fargo/Moorhead.

Behaviors & Indicators

While the presence of the following behaviors does not mean that a child has been sexually

abused, a pattern of these behaviors usually indicates that a problem exists. It is important to talk

with a child who exhibits a pattern of behavioral problems and to seek any necessary help.

1. Abrupt change in behavior

2. Clinging, whining*

3. Excessive fear of being touched

4. Fear of being alone

5. Refusal to go to a certain place or be with a certain person

6. Nightmares or other sleep disturbances

7. Regression to more infantile behavior such as wetting, thumb-sucking, fecal soiling*

8. Change in appetite, eating disorders

9. Excessive masturbation

10. Developmentally inappropriate knowledge of sexual acts and sexual language*

11. Precocious sex play such as attempts at sexual intercourse*

12. Genital and rectal trauma, abrasions-may be evidenced by torn, stained, or bloody clothing

13. Vaginal or uteral discharge, infection or sexually transmitted disease-often evidenced by

difficulty in urinating, scratching and tugging at clothing around genital area

14. Unexplained gagging

15. Withdrawal and isolation from peers

16. Increase in physical complaints

17. Acting out and attention getting behavior such as shoplifting, stealing, fire starting,

physical aggression

18. Depression, physical self-abuse, suicide attempts/threats

19. School problems, truancy, drop in academic performance

20. Prostitution or promiscuous sexual behavior

21. Poor self-image-reflected in dress, cleanliness, appearance

22. Alcohol/drug abuse

23. Reluctance to undress for physical education classes

24. Excessive bathing

25. Pregnancy

26. Attraction to older men or dislike of men

27. Required to assume household and child care responsibilities

28. Social activities have been unreasonably restricted

29. Chronic running away

(*Evident primarily in younger children)

Do Children Lie About Sexual Abuse?

1. Sexually abused children have been known to deny, minimize, “forget”, and confuse, but

they rarely lie. Research by Lucy Berliner (University of Washington) and colleagues in

Seattle has matched children’s statements by sexual offenders and found that not only

were the children’s statements accurate, but they often were found to be understated

accounts of the abuse suffered.

2. The reporting of sexual abuse is a developmental phenomenon. Children don’t

automatically report the way adults do. Their reports vary at different ages. For example,

a very young child might not have the vocabulary or concept to express an abusive act

correctly. “He peed in my mouth” is technically incorrect, yet graphically descriptive. The

manner in which children store and retrieve material also changes as they grow. For

example, a child who is recalling details from incidents that occurred when he was four is

attempting recall from a very different cognitive arrangement and even more different

from an adult’s way of thinking! These differences and inconsistencies might initially

appear as “lies” but they are not.

3. A well-documented phenomenon is the child’s suppression of his or her story right after

a child has reported it; this has been described and documented by Suzanne Sgroi, M.D.

This phenomenon of admission and then denial can make an adult wonder if their story

is true; it is important to know and accept this aspect of a child’s reporting.

4. Although with extensive prompting or interrogating children can be moved to recant or

alter details about their stories, most often they rework details they are least clear

about, but usually remain adamant about central details.

5. Children who have suffered multiple abuse encounters often present conflicting data,

sometimes combining information from years of abuse into one or two accounts with

apparently inconsistent details. The more often a child has been abused, the more

emotionally damaged he or she is. It often is precisely these children who give us clear,

specific, consistent data that will stand up in court

6. The criminal justice system has certain rules necessary for its functioning. Some of these

rules don’t fit a child very well, nor do they take into account the normal differences

between a child’s and an adult’s cognitive structure and memory function. Only when a

child’s statements can fit criteria of reliability and consistency can they be successful in

criminal court. While a child’s inconsistencies may on the surface seem like lying, they

often are normal for his or her age and developmental stage.

7. The support of the child protection system by believing the child and his or her attorney,

is critical to protect the child from the angry repercussions of accusers. If the system fails

and the child is not protected, the best way for a victimized child to cope might be to

deny one’s allegations and go back to life the way it was. Sadly, along with the risk of

further abuse comes the reality that the protection system no longer works either.

8. Just because charges of alleged abuse have been dropped and children have recanted

certain statements, this does not indicate that children lie about sexual abuse. While

controversy rages about whether to believe certain children, the children themselves

continue to feel misunderstood and mistreated, heightening their sense of being victims.

The most important thing that you can do for a child who is surviving sexual abuse is to

listen and believe the child and protect the child from further acts of abuse.

Typical Sexual Behavior of Young Children

Often, sexual behavior in children is very disturbing to adults. Much of this behavior is part of normal child

development. Behavior, which is typical for a child’s age, should be of little concern. Behavior, which is not

typical, can be a warning sign of abuse.

Ages 0-4

REDIRECT

(It’s typical!)

MONITOR

(Not as typical, Slow down)

PROTECTION

(Not typical, ABUSIVE)

Comfort in being nude

Preoccupies themselves with

sexual behaviors

Discloses of sexual abuse

Touches or rubs own genitals

(randomly) or masturbates

openly

Masturbates in preference to

other activities

Compulsively masturbates which

may cause self-injury, or in a

persistent nature or duration

Shows genitals, is interested,

and/or explores the differences

between genitals

Persistently watches others in

sexual activity, during toilet or

bath times, or when nude

Demonstrates specific adult-like

sexual touches or sexual activities,

for example; imitates sexual

intercourse

Shows an interest in body parts

and their functions

Explicit sexual talk, art, and/or

play

Persistently uses sexual themes in

talk, art, and/or play

Wants to touch familiar

children’s’ genitals during play,

toilet, or bath times (out of

curiosity)

Follows others into private

spaces like toilets or

bathrooms to look at their

body or touch them

Persistently touches the genitals or

private parts of others

Participates in make believe

games that involve looking at

and/or touching the bodies of

familiar children, for example;

“show me yours and I’ll show

you mine”, playing “family”,

“house” and/or “doctor”.

Pulls other children’s pants

down or skirts up against

their will (displays power over

the other child by force)

Forces other children to engage in

sexual activity

Asks about or wants to touch the

breasts, bottoms or genitals of

familiar adult, for example: when

in the bath

Touches the genitals/private

parts of other children in

preference to other activities

Sexual behavior between young

children which involves

penetration with objects,

masturbation of others, and/or oral

sex

Children’s Sexual Behavior Guide for Personal Safety

AGES 5-9

REDIRECT

(It’s typical!)

MONITOR

(Not as typical, Slow down)

PROTECTION

(Not typical, ABUSIVE)

Increased sense of privacy about

bodies

Masturbation in

preference to other

activities; in public, with

others, and/or causing

self-injury

Compulsive masturbation; self-

injuring, self-harming, and/or to seek

an audience

Body touching and holding own

genitals

Explicit talk, art, and/or

play of a sexual nature

Disclosure of sexual abuse

Masturbation; usually with

awareness of privacy.

Persistent questions

and/or comments about

sexuality, despite being

answered or addressed

Persistent bullying involving sexual

aggression; pulling/lifting/removing

other children’s clothing

Curiosity about other children’s

genitals that involve looking at

and/or touching the bodies of

familiar children; “show me yours

and I’ll show you mine”, playing

‘family’

Persistent nudity and/or

exposing private parts in

public places

Sexual behavior with significantly

younger or less developmental-abled

children

Curiosity about sexuality like

questions about babies, gender,

relationships, sexual activity

Persistently watching or

following others to look at

or touch them

Accessing the rooms of sleeping

children to touch or engage in sexual

activity

Telling stories or asking questions,

using swear words, sexual words

or names for private parts

Pulling other children’s

pants down or skirts up

against their will

Simulation of or participation in

sexual activities such as; oral sex or

sexual intercourse with older

children or adults.

Use of mobile phones and

internet in relationships with

known peers

Persistently mimicking

sexual-flirting behavior,

too advanced for age

Presence of a sexually transmitted

infection

Children’s Sexual Behavior Guide for Personal Safety

AGES 10-13

Growing need for privacy

Masturbation in preference

to other activities in public

Compulsive masturbation; which may

cause self-injury and/or seeking an

audience

Masturbation in private

Persistent explicit talk, art,

or play which is sexual or

sexually intimidating

Engaging others in a process to gain

sexual activity by using grooming

techniques; gifts, lies, bribery, flattery,

etc.

Curiosity and seeking information

about sexuality

Accessing age restricted

materials; movies, games,

internet with sexually

explicit content

Force or coercion of others into sexual

activity

Use of sexual language

Persistent expression of

fear of sexually transmitted

infection or pregnancy

Oral sex and/or intercourse with a

person of different age, developmental

ability and/or peer grouping

Interest and/or participation in

girlfriend or boyfriend

relationships

Changes to behavior, such

as older children or adult

flirting behaviors, and/or

seeking relationships with

older children or adults in

preference to peers

Presence of sexually transmitted

infection or pregnancy

Hugging, kissing, and/or

affectionate touching that is

appropriate, with known peers

Engaging in sexual activities

with an unknown peer;

deep kissing, mutual

masturbation, etc.

Deliberately sending and/or publishing

sexual images of self or another person

Exposing themselves amongst

same age peers within the

context of play; for example,

occasional flashing or mooning

Oral sex and/or intercourse

with a known partner of

similar age and

developmental ability

Arranging a face to face meeting with

an online acquaintance

REDIRECT

(It’s typical!)

MONITOR

(Not as typical, Slow down)

PROTECTION

(Not typical, ABUSIVE)

Typical Stages of Sex Play

2 ½ Years: Child shows interest in different postures of boys and girls when urinating and

interest in physical differences between the sexes.

3 years: Verbally expresses interests in the physical differences between the sexes and in

the different postures in urinating. Girls attempt to urinate standing up.

4 years: Extremely conscious of the navel. Under social stress may grasp genitals and may

need to urinate. May play game of “show”. Also, verbal play about elimination.

Interest in other people’s bathrooms, may demand privacy for self, but extremely

interested in the bathroom activity of others.

5 years: Familiar with, but not too much interested in the physical differences between the

sexes. Less sex play and game of “show”. More modest and less exposing self. Less

bathroom play and less interest in unfamiliar bathrooms.

6 years: Marked awareness of and interest in differences between the sexes in body

structure. Questioning mutual investigation by both sexes reveal practical answers

to questions about sex differences. Mild sex play or exhibitionism in play or in

school toilets. Games of “show”. Giggling, calling names or remarks involving

words dealing with elimination functions.

7 years: Less interest in sex. Some mutual exploration, experimentation, and sex play, but

is less than earlier.

8 years: Interest in sex rather high, though exploration and play less common than at six.

Interest in peeping, dirty jokes, provocative giggling. Children whisper, write or

spell “elimination” or “sex” words.

9 years: May talk about sex information with friends of the same sex. Interest in details of

own organs and functions; seek out picture books. Sex swearing begins.

10 years: Considerable interest in dirty jokes.

17 
 
 
Child Safety: Internet Concerns 
 
When used properly, the Internet can be a wonderful learning and entertainment tool for you and your family. In 
many ways, the virtual world of the Internet is like that of the real world.  Similar safety rules apply. Just as you 
wouldn’t tell a stranger on the street where you live, you shouldn’t tell someone you just met on the internet 
your home address. Before allowing your children online, discuss with them safety issues. Talk to them about your 
concerns and together set up family guidelines for computer use. Here are some ideas to keep in mind. 
 
✓  Help your children to understand why it is important that they do not give out personal information, 
even if their new e-mail pal seems to be real friendly or a “cool” website offers them a free gift for the 
information. 
 
✓  Let your children know that they can come to you if they are receiving messages that make them feel 
uncomfortable. Tell them that in such an event, they should save the messages for you to read and 
handle in an appropriate manner. 
 
✓  Set up guidelines that deal specifically with meeting people on the Internet. Talk to your children about 
what to do if their new Internet friend asks to see them in person, or wants your children to send 
pictures of themselves. 
 
✓  Teach children about “netiquette” (etiquette on the Internet), so that they will not accidentally offend 
someone. 
 
✓  Keep the computer in high traffic part of the house such as the living room. You can then easily monitor 
your children’s activities without making them feel as if you are watching over their shoulder all the 
time. 
 
✓  Find websites you think your children will enjoy and “bookmark” them. This will help direct your children 
away from using search engines, where they might find inappropriate sites. 
 
✓  Most importantly, spend time with your children talking about their experiences online. Give them a 
chance to show you what they have learned or the things they like. 
 
Helpful Websites on Child Personal Safety 
 
www.netsmartz.org: sponsored by The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children 
https://www.childhelp.org: A non-profit organization dedicated to the prevention and treatment of child abuse. 
http://www.stopitnow.org:  Stop It Now! Organization prevents the sexual abuse of children by mobilizing 
adults, families and communities to take actions that protect children before they are harmed. 
www.netsmartzkids.org: for kids a safe site that won’t link to any outside sources 
www.connectsafely.org: for information on smart social networking 
www.internetsafetycolorado.org: for information on smart social networking and internet use. 
http://www.kidsdata.org/ a program of the Lucile Packard Foundation for Children's Health, promotes the 
health and well-being of children in California. 
 

Children’s Entertainment: Making Good Decisions

Parents everywhere are concerned about the increased levels of violence to which children are

exposed, often in the name of entertainment. Since television, movies, and other forms of

entertainment have the power to influence impressionable children, it is important that parents

learn as much as possible about protecting their children from excessive amounts of violence

and sexual exposure in all types of media.

The following tips are offered for parents who wish to take an active role in protecting their

children from negative images and messages from media:

• Set limits on how much television is allowed each day.

• Make a list of all TV program for the week. Choose some that the whole family can enjoy

together.

• Become familiar with video and computer games that children want to play. DO not assume

that they are wholesome entertainment.

• Encourage your local Parent-Teacher Organization to take an interest in media violence by

offering informative programs.

• Be aware of the ratings and content of movies that your children want to see. Titles and

advertising can be misleading.

• Remember that children need adult guidance when selecting movies, television programs,

and other forms of entertainment. Be fair, but firm. Don’t be swayed by the plea, “But everyone

will be seeing/playing it!”

• Let movie theaters know you want to see movies offering something besides violence.

• Form or join a parents’ group to discuss concerns about children’s exposure to media

violence. Strength and support can be found in a group with similar issues and goals. Invite

representatives from the media, law enforcement, schools, churches, and business community.

The information on this page was provided by the National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse.

19 
 
Books for Parents on Talking with your  
Children about Sexuality 
    Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids' "Go-To" Person about  
    Sex by Deborah Roffman  
 
    From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children from Infancy to 
    Middle School, Second Edition  by Debra Haffner.  
  
    Talking to Your Kids About Sex: From Toddlers to Preteens (Go Parents! Guide) by Laurie  
    Berkenkamp 
 
    Sex & Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex by Deborah M.  
    Roffman  
 
    Sexuality: Your Sons and Daughters With Intellectual Disabilities by Karin Melberg Schwier and 
    David Hingsburger   
       
    The Intuitive Parent: Why the Best Thing for Your Child Is You by Stephen Camarata Ph.D.  
 
      Positive Parenting from A to Z by Karen Renshaw Joslin 
 
     How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk  by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish 
 
     My Body Belongs to Me: A book about body safety by Jill Starishevsky 
 
     I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private by Kimberly King 
 
    Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts by Gail Saltz 
 
     Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies (Let's Talk about You and Me)  
    by Robie H. Harris

20 
 
    It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends by Robie  
    Harris  
 
    It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie Harris  
 
    What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys by Laurie Krasny 
 
      The “What's Happening to My Body?” Book for Girls: A Growing Up Guide for Parents and  
    Daughters by Lynda Madaras and Marcia Herman-Giddens  
 
    The “What's Happening to My Body?” Book for Boys: A Growing Up Guide for Parents and  
    Sons by Lynda Madaras and Martin Anderson  
 
     The Feelings Book (Revised): The Care and Keeping of Your Emotions by Dr. Lynda Madison 
 
    Being Me: A Kid's Guide to Boosting Confidence and Self-esteem by Wendy L., Ph.D. Moss  
 
    Cool Down and Work Through Anger   By Cheri J. Meiners M.Ed. 
 
My Body Belongs to Me

Child Personal Safety Program - SEVEN SIGNALS

Each signal gives you the right to say “NO!”, GET AWAY, and TELL a Trusted Adult Helper.

1. Swimming Suit covered areas (Private Parts) It is NOT OK for someone to touch

your private parts or make you touch the private parts of someone else. Your private parts are the parts

of your body that you cover up when you go swimming or go to the beach.

2. Say “Ouch!” Touches that hurt your body or make you say, “Ouch!” can be unsafe. If

someone hurts your body or says they are going to hurt you, get away from them and ask a trusted adult

for help.

3. Scary A touch that is scary to YOU, even if it is not scary to anyone else. If someone says

or does something that scares you, you can talk to trusted adults about how you feel.

4. Secret A secret touch is when someone tells you to keep a touch a secret. For example,

if someone touches your body and says, “You better not tell anyone!” That is NOT OK. You can always

talk about touches to your body; your body belongs to you!

5. Simply don’t like - A touch (any touch at all) that you simply don’t like or

want. If you don’t like a touch, you can always say, “No, thank you” or “I don’t like that.”

6. Shocked or Confused A touch that makes you feel shocked or confused, or gives you an

“Uh, Oh” feeling inside. Even if you see something on TV or on the internet that makes you feel this way,

you can say, “NO”, turn it off or walk away.

7. Self-Talk If you feel like you might touch someone else in a way that is NOT OK, you can

say “NO!” to yourself before you make a choice that is not safe. You can GET AWAY from that person if

you need space or time to think, and you can TELL or ask a Trusted Adult for help. You CAN make a safe

choice because have a thinking brain and it belongs to you. YOU CAN MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE!

My Safety Plan

Feeling Safe Means:

• I know that someone will take care of me

• I know what is expected of me

• I have an idea about what will probably happen next

• I am not worried that I or someone else will get hurt.

• I don’t feel scared.

• I feel ok. I feel good.

• ___________________________________________________________

Safe Places

When there is trouble, I can call someone.

List the places in your home or near-by where there are phones:

• ___________________________________________________________

Safe places near my home are:

• ___________________________________________________________

• How can I get out of the house if there is danger?

• How can I get away if someone is making me feel unsafe?

• How can I get away if someone is making me feel uncomfortable?

• Write down some other plans my family uses to stay safe:

• Write down some other plans my school or daycare uses to stay safe:

Helpers

Who are safe people I can talk to when I don’t feel safe?

1. ________________________________________ Phone: ____________________________________

2. ________________________________________ Phone:_____________________________________

3. ________________________________________ Phone:_____________________________________

4. ________________________________________ Phone:_____________________________________

5. ________________________________________ Phone:_____________________________________

6. ________________________________________ Phone:_____________________________________

7. ________________________________________ Phone:_____________________________________

Helpers

Draw a picture of your Safe Helpers in the box below:

If a Helper doesn’t help, don’t give up! Keep telling safe adults until you get help.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

I Am Important

Resiliency

Resiliency is the ability to overcome challenging or difficult circumstances; it is a fundamental

and natural characteristic which is essential to healthy development. Resiliency can be nurtured

and supported by caring adults who take a strength-based approach to foster and empower a

child’s efforts to cope with hardships.

To overcome adversities, children draw from three sources of resilience features labelled:

I HAVE, I AM, I CAN. What they draw from each of the three sources may be described as

follows;

I HAVE

• People around me I trust and who love me, no matter what

• People who set limits for me so I know when to stop before there is danger

or trouble

• People who show me how to do things right by the way they do things

• People who want me to learn to do things on my own

• People who help me when I am sick, in danger or need to learn

I AM

• A person people can like and love

• Glad to do nice things for others and show my concern

• Respectful of myself and others

• Willing to be responsible for what I do

• Sure things will be all right

I CAN

• Talk to others about things that frighten me or bother me

• Find ways to solve problems that I face

• Control myself when I feel like doing something not right or dangerous

• Figure out when it is a good time to talk to someone or to take action

• Find someone to help me when I need it

Information provided by: A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children: Strengthening the Human Spirit By Edith H. Grotberg,

Ph.D., The International Resilience Project, and from the Early Childhood Development: Practice and Reflections series by

Bernard Van Leer Foundation. Website source: http://resilnet.uiuc.edu/library/grotb95b.html

I Am, I Have, I Can

There are many great things about you that make you the special person that you are! (I AM)

There are also many things that you have (I HAVE) and many things you can do! (I CAN)

Write down all of your I AM’s, I HAVE’s and I CAN’s below:

I AM:

• ___________________________________________________________

I HAVE:

• ___________________________________________________________

I CAN:

• ___________________________________________________________

The Five Protective Factors

The Five Protective Factors are the foundation of the Strengthening Families approach. Extensive evidence

supports the common sense notion that when these Protective Factors are present and robust in a family, the

likelihood of abuse and neglect diminish. Research also shows that these are the factors that create healthy

environments for the optimal development of children.

1. Parental Resilience

No one can eliminate stress from parenting, but building parental resilience can affect how a parent

deals with stress. Parental resilience is the ability to constructively cope with and bounce back from all

types of challenges. It is about creatively solving problems, building trusting relationships, maintaining a

positive attitude, and seeking help when it’s needed.

2. Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development

Having accurate information about raising young children and appropriate expectations for their

behavior helps parents better understand and care for children. It is important that information is

available when parents need it, that is, when it is relevant to their life and their child. Parents whose

own families used harsh discipline techniques or parents of children with developmental or behavioral

problems or special needs require extra support in building this Protective Factor.

3. Social and Emotional Competence

A child’s ability to interact positively with others, to self-regulate, and to effectively communicate his or

her emotions has a great impact on the parent-child relationship. Children with challenging behaviors

are more likely to be abused, which is why early identification and working with them helps keep their

development on track and keeps them safe. Also, children who have experienced or witness violence

need a safe environment that offers opportunities to develop normally.

4. Social Connections

Friends, family members, neighbors and other members of a community provide emotional support and

concrete assistance to parents. Concrete connections help parents build networks of support that serve

multiple purposes: They can help parents develop and reinforce community norms around childrearing,

provide assistance in times of need, and serve as a resource for parenting information or help solving

problems. Because isolation can be a common risk factor for abuse and neglect, parents who are

isolated need support in building positive friendships.

5. Concrete Support in Times of Need

Parents need access to the types of concrete supports and services that can minimize the stress of

difficult situations, such as a family crisis, a condition such as substance abuse, or stress associated with

lack of resources. Building this Protective Factor is about helping to ensure the basic needs of a family,

such as food, clothing, and shelter, are met and connecting parents and children to services, especially

those that have a stigma associated with them, like domestic violence shelter or substance abuse

counseling, in times of crisis.

Information provided by: Strengthening Families, a project of the Center for the Study of Social Policy:

www.strengtheningfamilies.net. US Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and

Families/Strengthening Families and Communities 2009 Resource Guide: www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb

___________________’s Feelings Chart

How Am I Feeling Today?

EMOTIONS

FEELINGS

FACES

MON.

TUES.

WED.

THU.

FRI.

SAT.

SUN.

Happy

Scared

Mad

Proud

Sick

Sad

Confused

Silly

________